Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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