I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
