it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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