her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
