what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
