How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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