My hand turned me down
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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