omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
