she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
