NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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