do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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