Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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