I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
