No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
