a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
