U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
