I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
