i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a search helicopter?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
