I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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