New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize