Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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