with your own penis?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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