Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Bring me that man meat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
