At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY