You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.