just come out here and I will go home with you...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.