Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?