Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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