you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
