I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
