You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
