i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
