I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
