I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
