I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
