she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
