I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
