Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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