You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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