totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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