i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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