Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
