Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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