So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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