We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
