I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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