Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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