Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i will never coherently bang her
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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