there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
