Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
