Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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