I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
