just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
