Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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