I love having hate sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance