My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.