This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.