everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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