it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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