I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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