I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
