he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
