so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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