and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
