your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
