I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
