I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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