It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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