I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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