yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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