I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
